You suspect your spouse is cheating or committing adultery. What should you do?
The very first thing, before you tell anyone, is to contact a divorce lawyer. Do not confront your spouse. Make sure you don’t indicate to your spouse that you know anything. You do this because once your spouse knows that you know, he or she can destroy evidence. He or she can also stop the affair and you will then lose your chance of catching him or her with the lover.
Do not talk to anyone about the affair. You do not want the word to spread that you know about the affair. You may want to confide this information to other people, even trusted family and friends. Do not do this. Only tell your lawyer. You may think that your best friend or your close family members can keep a secret. They might inadvertently let it slip out to your spouse or act differently with your spouse, so your spouse begins to think his or her secret is out and destroys evidence of the affair or put the affair on hold, thereby hindering your efforts to get evidence.
You should gather any evidence of the affair. Talk to your lawyer about obtaining evidence by legal means and avoiding breaking any laws.
You should be looking for documents such as pictures, emails, text messages, notes between your spouse and his girlfriend or her boyfriend. Just make sure you avoid doing anything illegal such as installing computer spyware. Don’t do anything that can get you in trouble. Do not follow your spouse or have a friend follow your spouse. This could get you or your friend in legal trouble. Rely on the professionals–your lawyer and a licensed private investigator whom your lawyer recommends.
Gather all bank statements, credit and debit card statements, cellular phone records, travel records. Look through these documents for anything suspicious, such as repeated phone calls or text messages to one number.
Find out your if your husband is going out of town and consider hiring investigator. You can plan a get away weekend for yourself and have a private investigator watch your house.
Discuss with your divorce lawyer the costs/benefits of hiring a licensed private investigator.
