You do not want to your divorce to be prolonged, expensive, time consuming, and emotionally devastating.
First, if you have children, it will be impossible to shield them from the divorce proceedings and the nastier they are the more the kids will be detrimentally affected. Kids are very sensitive to what is going on. Their lives are being turned upside down. They may be uprooted from their home. Assume they know what is happening in your divorce. Also, be aware that you will have to deal with your spouse on issues relating to your children until they graduate from high school and beyond for the rest of your lives with graduations, weddings, grandchildren’s births, baptisms and other events. You may have every reason to be angry at your spouse. But you need to work through the anger, perhaps by seeking the help of a psychologist or other wise cousnel. Note, however, that anything you say to your mental health professional or anyone else is potentially discoverable by the other side and could be used in court against you.
Second, the more contentious the divorce, the more money it will cost and the less money you will have at the end of the process. You and your souse can decide to save your money for yourselves and your kids or give your money to the lawyers.
Always analyze with your lawyer the cost/benefit/likelihood of success of going to court vs. settling your case. Make sure you review with your lawyer all your goals on all the issues in your case and the cost/benefit/likelihood of success of achieving those goals through an out of court settlement or in court litigation. Make sure you trust that your lawyer is not motivated by increasing his or her legal fees, but rather has your best interests in mind in achieving your goals at the lowest possible cost. Make sure your lawyer is strong enough to tell you how realistic your goals are. They are your counselor and must give you an honest, unvarnished appraisal of your goals.