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Marriage and divorce the second time around

You may never have believed your first marriage would end in divorce. In fact, you may have had the same expectations for your second marriage. Nevertheless, here you are considering the pros and cons of ending this marriage. Maybe you feel like you are going in circles, reliving the same conflicts that brought down your first marriage. Or maybe you just feel like it was a mistake to try again so soon.

If you have vivid recollections of the stress and anxiety of your first divorce, you may wonder why you are even considering going through it again. You may be surprised to learn that people like you, who remarry after a divorce, have a much higher chance of heading back to divorce court.

It's the money, honey

Divorce usually involves the division of assets, the obligation of child support and the possibility of alimony. In other words, a great deal of divorce is about money. After your first divorce, you may have found yourself trying to get by on half of your previous income or responsible for providing funds to children or a former spouse. While you may be getting by, these financial concerns can cause friction in a new marriage.

Your new spouse may expect things you cannot provide because of your previous obligations, or your spouse may simply resent the connection you have with your ex through your finances. On the other hand, perhaps years have passed since your first marriage ended, and you have had a chance to rebuild your financial security and even plan for retirement. Your reluctance to risk that security with your new spouse may have resulted in conflict.

The remnants of your past life

Unlike newlyweds on their first go-round, you and your second spouse have brought baggage into your marriage. Old habits, suspicions, reactions and intolerances that grew from the conflict in your previous marriage may color your new one. If you had not resolved those issues before jumping into your new romance, you may end up repeating those old patterns.

Additionally, while they would hardly be baggage, if you or your new spouse has children from previous marriages, you may have had to adapt quickly, perhaps adjusting your parenting style or balancing your attention among your biological and stepchildren. Blending a family is not easy, and if either of you had high expectations about a blissful joining of worlds, the disappointment may have been too much to bear.

Leaving the second time is often easier, according to some marriage experts. If you have gone through it once, you may not be as timid about doing it again. You know what to expect, and you may see it as a viable option even more than you did the first time. However, you certainly don't want to take for granted that a Virginia divorce can result in devastating financial complications if you don't have sound advice and a dedicated legal advocate.

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